Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
