Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
