conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Randomize
