its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
