I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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