thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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