Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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