so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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