Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
