so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
