I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What a dumb baby whore.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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