Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
