Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She announced her abortion via fbk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
