im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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