38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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