Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
