Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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