Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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