So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
