i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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