You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
