I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
