Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
