I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
two words: eviction party
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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