i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
