So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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