I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
