It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
