I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
