i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
