I must be too annoying 4 u.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
