I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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