Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
