The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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