you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize