Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
