so that wasnt chicken after all
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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