My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize