woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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