I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
