hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just made my gag reflex go away.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize