I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
