dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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