Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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