i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
