when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize