ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
