his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
