so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
false alarm. still invincible.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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