I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
