once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
