Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
