I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
