Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
