I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
