I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
