she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
