I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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