I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
