my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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