he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
