Where did you get a picture of my penis
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
