I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
