he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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