He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
