I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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