Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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