There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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