***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
