Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
