my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
