Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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