i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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