this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
