I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
