Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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