Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
