oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
