Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
