Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she woke up with a sticky ear
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
