Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
