If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize