I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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