The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
