If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
