a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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