nut hugger
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
are you so shy because you have an std?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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